shortcut

I just sometimes think that maybe I want to rush the process. Maybe I thought you are some sort of shortcut for me. As I know there is no shortcut in this life, it's like you have to do it, man. Even life's suck, things suck. However, we live, study, love, hurt, care, sad, happy, anything we do in this world preparation for suckiness. That's what we gotta do. So my real question is are you really a shortcut for me? I don't want to to live my life, I don't want to take any risk in my life. I don't want to have lovestories, I don't want to get hurt or hurting someone anymore, I don't want to wait someone to be mature enough to be able to live with me for the rest of her life. I want instant life, I want a serious relationship in very short way, I want everything is already there for me, which is quiet impossible for me. Well other people said that nothing's impossible. Is this really me?? Oh Boy, should I turn back and take the real way, leaving all these bittersweet that I've been through, or just keep heading on this shortcut that I don't know where and when will it ended